I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he thought i was a dude.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
