Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
