craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
