I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize