My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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