I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
