Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
found the other keg... it's in the tree
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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