after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
