either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize