no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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