OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am naked and annoyed.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
