you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
