i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
