I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
