hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
