Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
