Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
