How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize