Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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