remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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