My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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