There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
