i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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