don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
