My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
