id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize