dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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