i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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