Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
