I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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