We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
