I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's shark week go big or go home
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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