You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
