dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nobody cheats on THIS.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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