I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
