Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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