fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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