What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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