Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
