this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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