There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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