we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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