Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
