Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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