Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I AM VODKA MAN
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
