Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
