yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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