just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
