I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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