we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
