she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
well, you know. whores of a feather.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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