I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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