So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he fucked my hip out of place.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
