what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
