dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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