I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
