You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
