my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize