True but thats because hes a fetus.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
