i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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