He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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