i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
