Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
