thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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