the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
