We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
