I wish I could teleport
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
