every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
