i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
