Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
